I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
