proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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