I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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