if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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