I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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