I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
