Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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