im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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