At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
