Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
