fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
