Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
