two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
