Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
