For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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