just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
