You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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