so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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