Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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