he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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