And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
