Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
