if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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