I think I died a long time ago.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
