I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
