I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
