yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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