guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
