Yo dont text me then not text me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
