I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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