This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
