we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
