So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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