Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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