A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
