Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
