I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Terrible idea I love it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
