I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
