I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
