so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
