Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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