So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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