So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
