I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
