I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Your dad touched me again.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
