I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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