I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You ate ashes out of my bong
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
