I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
