life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
