Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
